Lecture Comments: "Conversation"

Conversation is a strange thing. I have a good friend who enjoys having good conversation, if possible. He hates to be interrupted and I sometimes find myself finishing his statements or 'filling in the gaps'. It seems to me that sometimes I may know what he is going to say and I blurt out before he is finished, which only pisses him off. It is not that I am trying to be rude - it is rude I have learned - but at the same time I only wish to be part of the conversation. I want him to know I am listening, and that can't be done through interruption. I know now I can not think I know what the other person is going to say and then say it. It does not work that way, unless the person asks for the right word or may say "Do you know what I'm saying?" I have learned that patience in a conversation is a good thing. Waiting for your chance to speak not only lets you absorb more of the conversation but it allows you to have more time to say what you want.

I think a lot of people go about their lives thinking they know more than others. Of course this degree of knowledge varies, but I know because I am at fault. I think most of this comes from being 18 years old and knowing everything at that age. It takes many years for that delusion to ware off. Only through time and wisdom do we all realize that conversation is precious and that sometimes not everyone has the answer - even when we think we do.

The fact that the audience seats are empty and the stage is full scares me a bit. I would consider myself a little of both but I prefer to watch. I am an observer, a good listener (most of the time), and I love to be entertained. Who doesn't? I just don't understand why everyone wants to be the star. Wait a minute, I know the answer to that. Why can't some of use just sit back and enjoy the show. But what really scares me is that if everyone is a singer, musician, artist or whatever, how do those of us who have been trying to specialize and stand apart from the crowd shine? I guess we have to climb up on their shoulders or be mobbed by the masses. I guess there is always the originality factor too - there are many like me but no single soul that is exactly like me. If this is true then there is nothing to fear, and if anything I wish the best to my competition.

"Rebecca West, the Twentieth Century writer and feminist said there is no conversation, just intersecting monologues. While I don’t believe her cynicism is correct; she makes an important point. Our thoughts are often so preconceived when we bring them to the table that we miss many of the opportunities to make connections that are right in front of us."

I found this quote to be true in my experiences with dating, both online and off. I have found that males and females do have a certain preconception about who the person they are when they date as well as who the person is they are dating. This probably goes back to gender biases. I think when we first date someone we are so nervous about whether or not the person is going to like us, we lose touch with who we really are. I have found in the past that just forgetting about that helps, it makes no sense for me to try to impress. That person is just going to have to take me for who I am. If they don't like it, tough shit. They are the ones who are missing out. Basically if we all let go of some of our preconceived notions we will all be better off. No one really knows how it will all turn out, so just ride along. By ignoring preconceptions, we can turn over a whole new rock with interesting bugs underneath we have never seen before. Monologues are important - if it is self coaching and confidence based, but we have to leave that at the door when we enter the unknown future (or watering hole where we are to meet our date).